chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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