So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
