Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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