his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
