i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
