non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
