I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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