There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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