I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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