I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
