The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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