yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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