I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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