The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
