we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
