Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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