I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
