We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
