Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
birth control should be required to get into college
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
