Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize