I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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