Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
