she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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