i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
