He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
