I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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