they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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