The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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