how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
