just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
