I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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