So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sponge bath it is.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
