When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
