i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
