I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
