I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
