I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
