we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
