No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize