listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
