Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
