apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
