Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
