I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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