a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
