I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize