please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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