At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
