I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
