Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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