Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize