Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
