they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
