My hair reeks of homosexuality.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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