they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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