oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
