Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
