i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
