The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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