Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
