k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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