No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
