i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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