I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
