you're like a bully in the Christmas story
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
