Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
