i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
