Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize