Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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