it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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