I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
