Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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