Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
